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It is traditional for the bride's parents to host their daughter's wedding and therefore be responsible for sending the invitations, receiving the replies and dealing with wedding list enquiries. This is even the case where the bride's parents are separated or divorced or where the groom's parents are making a financial contribution, whether small or large. In the latter case, the generocity of the groom's parents should be appropriately acknowledged in the speech by the father-of-the-bride.
Who sends the invitations
It is traditional for the bride's parents to host their daughter's wedding and therefore be responsible for sending the invitations, receiving the replies and dealing with wedding list enquiries. This is even the case where the bride's parents are separated or divorced or where the groom's parents are making a financial contributution, whether small or large. In the latter case, the generocity of the groom's parents should be appropriately acknowledged in the speech by the father-of-the-bride.
Where the bride and groom are paying for the whole of their wedding, it is acceptable for them to be the hosts and therefore be responsible for the invitations etc.
Once the other parties concerned have drawn up their guest list, they should send a list of names and address to the host so that the invitations can be written and posted. If you are allowing children to attend your wedding, it is usual to send a separate invitation to each child that is 16 years of age or older.
Style of invitations
The style of your invitations will give your guests clues about the style and formality of your wedding. Many wedding invitations remain in the traditional form, with black script printed on folder white or cream matt card. An invitation of this style clearly indicates a traditional and formal wedding.
Today, however, there is a tremendous choice of beautiful wedding stationery designs available ranging from inexpensive pre-printed designs to elaborate and personalised designs to co-ordinate with your colour scheme and/or theme. Clearly, your own personalities and the formality of your wedding can be reflected in your choice of invitation design and style.
Addressing your invitations and envelopes
Unless a space is provided for filling in the guests' names within the invitation wording, the guests' names should be written in the top left hand corner of the invitation. Guests' names should always be hand written using a fountain pen.
Your guests' names are written in a 'social' style. For example, Mr. and Mrs. David Cox, Miss Sally Cox etc. Prefixes and decorations are not written on the invitation but should be included on the envelope.
For less formal wedding invitations, it is usual to omit the hosts' titles such as Mr. and Mrs. Therefore, the invitation would read "Jeremy and Jane Smythe request the pleasure of..." When writing the guests' names on your invitations, you should match the style of the hosts' name, for example, "Jeremy and Jane Smythe request the pleasure of the company of Michael and Jackie Cox..." You would also substitute pm for o'clock.
The following table gives a guideline of the "socially correct" forms of address for your invitations and envelopes. You will see that in the case of married couples, both are named on the invitation but the envelope is addressed to the wife. The only explanation we have found for this is that a wife was once seen to be responsible for the couple's social arrangements. However, in theses days of sexual equality this is not normally seen as a social requirement and most people address their invtations to Mr and Mrs. The exception to this is where you do not know the wife of a guest. The envelope should then be addressed to the husband.
| Written on the Invitation | Written on the Envelope | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Mr. and Mrs. David Cox | Mrs. David Cox | Married couple where both are well known. By omitting children's names excludes them from the invitation. |
| Mr. and Mrs. David Cox, John and Clare | Mrs. David Cox | Married couple with children invited. |
| Mr. and Mrs. David Cox | Mr. David Cox | Married couple where only the husband is well known e.g. a male work colleague. |
| Dr. and Mrs. David Cox | Mrs. David Cox | David Cox is a medical doctor. This form of address applies even if the wife is a medical Doctor. Doctorates of other disciplines are ignored in the social style. |
| Mr. David Cox | David Cox Esq. | Single man |
| Miss Sally Cox | Miss Sally Cox | Single woman |
| Mrs. David Cox | Mrs. David Cox | Widowed woman |
| Mrs. Jane Cox | Mrs. Jane Cox | Divorced woman still using married surname. |
| Miss Sally Cox and Mr. Adam Keys | Miss Sally Cox and Mr. Adam Keys Esq. | Unmarried couple in an established relationship. |
| Mr. Adam Keys and Mr. Tom Smith | Adam Keys Esq. and Tom Smith Esq. | Same sex partnership in an established relationship. |
| Mr. Adam Keys and Miss Sally Cox | Adam Smith Esq. | Single man and guest where the guest is not well known. |
| Miss Sally Cox and Mr. Adam Keys | Miss Sally Cox | Single woman and guest where the guest is not well known. |
| Reverend and Mrs. Paul Jones | The Reverend Paul Jones | Church of England vicar where the wife is not well known. |
| Father Jones | The Reverend Father Jones | Roman Catholic priest. |
The use of the words 'and guest' and 'and family' after a guest's name should be avoided if possible. It would appear much more personal if you were able to establish names.
When to send your invitations
It is recommended that you send your invitations three months before your wedding. This should ensure that your guests have adequate time to make arrangements to attend. However, if your wedding is taking place during popular holiday periods such as Easter, August or Christmas, you should consider sending out your invitations up to three months earlier. It will be very disappointing, for both you and your guests, if they cancelled. This is particularly relevant for weddings in July and August since many people book their summer holiday early in the year.The use of the words 'and guest' and 'and family' after a guest's name should be avoided if possible. It would appear much more personal if you were able to establish names.
Enclosing your wedding list
Although the idea of enclosing information about your wedding list with your invitations seems practical, it is generally considered ill-mannered and tactless to do so as this might imply that buying a gift is conditional upon accepting your invitation. If your guests wish to buy you a gift, they will make contact with the hosts or yourselves and ask for your wedding list or for a specific item they can give you.
It is an extremely well known and established nuptial nicety that those attending your wedding will make a contribution to your future marital comfort! Appearing to ask or prompt your guests for a gift may cause offence to many of your guests, particularly older relatives and friends of your parents.
Enclosing further items
There are three items that you may consider enclosing with your invitations, although the second and third items could be sent to only those who accept:
1. Reply cards
Although reply cards are more of a continental and American custom, they are becoming more popular in the UK because they will facilitate a prompter response to your invitations. Reply cards are usually small pre-printed single cards, supplied with a stamped addressed envelope.
For those guests invited to the wedding reception, you may wish to add a note asking for any special dietary requirements or allergies. You will note that no provision has been made for a refusal since invitees will usually wish to write to the hosts giving a reason for their refusal.
In case the reply cards are returned and the guests' writing is illegible, it is suggested that a number is written on the reverse of the card which corresponds to a number put against each guest on your master list.
2. Maps
Unless your guests live locally, it is advisable to enclose a map that clearly shows the ceremony and reception venues together with written instructions of how to get to the ceremony venue from the main roads into the area as well as instructions on how to get from the ceremony venue to the reception venue.
3. Accommodation information
Some guests may not wish to travel home immediately after your evening reception, so a list giving details of local hotels and guest houses would be helpful. You should ensure that all budgets are catered for and include single and double room rates. If your evening reception is in an establishment that has rooms, such as a hotel, it should be possible to negotiate reduced rates, especially if your wedding is on a Friday or weekend when business guests are absent.
As an alternative to sending out all three items with your invitations, you may wish to just enclose a reply card. When you recieve an acceptance, you could then send out a map and accommodation information together with details of your wedding list, if requested.The use of the words 'and guest' and 'and family' after a guest's name should be avoided if possible. It would appear much more personal if you were able to establish names.
Receiving replies
Most guests will respond to your invitations fairly quickly. However, there will undoubtedly be those who do not respond within a reasonable time (within two to three weeks), and who will need a telephone reminder. This should still give you sufficient time to invite guests on your reserve list should the calls reveal any refusals.